Good Ole Dwayne..
Come on admit it everyone has a friend like this. A long time ago in a Forest far far away. Back when technicolor was the rave. We had a hunting trip. It was a good trip. Catfish Hunter had just been busted on the plate with Vaseline on his hat and it looked like the chili was done. Awesome. We were hunting in a forest named after a really old guy. Who’s claim to fame was chucking a coin across a river.
Everyone that day had looked at our maps and picked our areas and did a preliminary scouting of the Bambi places. We were set and ready to go.
Morning time.. Early morning. So early in fact it was more like an extension of night time. It met all of the qualifications of a cold winter night. It was dark. and it was cold. Why the hell 3 am is called morning Ill never know because its not morning.
Coffee. lots of it and more coffee with eggs and whatever. And a nice cup of coffee.We stagger out the door of the cabin dropping stuff all over the place. Somebody trips over a ball hitch I can hear the cussing. Someone else runs head first into an ATV. That had to be embarrassing. Tom has a pack of smokes and Dwayne stomps them. The day earlier Tom had spiked Dwayne’s chewing tobacco with “Red Hot” pepper seeds from Pizza hut. They get to fighting and I think it was Jim who flashed them with a Polaroid. Awesome-none of us can see now.
Eric had ran away from the scuffle and got racked by a a log sticking out of the back of Toms truck. That’s a classic. This has the makings of a successful deer hunt. We were all destined to go in Boone and Crockett history that day.
Jim started laughing because I found like the one good cigarette that Tom had in a crushed pack and I lit that puppy up and passed it around while we watched the scuffle. Ahh good times. We said crap its too early picked up the gear and went back to the cabin and locked Dwayne and Tommy out .
We crashed and left at a more reasonable 5 am. Fer cryingoutloud we are already in the middle of a forest why get up at 3 am to get where we already were. We leave for our respective areas after making sure everyone knew where each other would be.
I make it to my spot in about an hour the sun is still down and I’m on a high perch of rocks. Ready to pounce on a deer with a knife if need be. I had been scouting this buck most of the summer. I decided to name him Snarky as well he was a snarky critter.
So while I am waiting for Snarky I relaxed and watched the squirrels have their annual world domination convention. Its always the same a renewal committee to set up an ad hoc committee and then distractions and fights occur. Snarky was obviously feeling hung over from a stag party because his usual 0730 run to the acorn patch and scratchy tree was delayed.
Noon rolls by and I hear him. He is being very cautious. I think the squirrels told him that people were about. In Wisconsin that would be a boot or a boat. I think he smelled the other hunters in the party probably Tom or Jim as they so got ripped on beer the night before.
I finally see Snarky all 16 points of deer meat coming my way. Hot dog its almost go time. I also hear sneaky steps on the trail behind me. Great I say to myself its another deer coming to sit up here on the rocks and act as LP / OP I know that if this deer smells or sees me Snarky is going to get away.
I stayed calm and the sneaky steps stopped. Snarky would take a few steps and listen. And then sneaky steps would take a few. Back and forth this played until Snarky was finally in full view. I bring my trusty 7 mm to bear and had just acquired a good sight picture when 30 feet behind me I hear in a loud and clear voice. Hey Its time to head back to the cabin and eat lunch and play poker. Snarky heard that to.
With a Snort and a Kenecheewaa Mofo and he was gone. I tried everything to stay calm and be nice to Dwayne that day.He made it really hard to do so though as he kept telling everyone that he had just seen the biggest deer ever and that I almost had it…. more to follow. Dwayne as a deer dog. Pros and cons…
Dwayne as a deer dog the good the bad and the confusing.
Part of Dwayne’s penance for the aiding and abetting of Snarky and Split toe is that he had to be our deer dog for the remainder of the day the evening hunt. Therefore, here is how that went. First, we put a blaze orange dog Collar on him. Second, he was handed a bag full of flashlights to carry and the bag had snacky treats and water and camping stuff.
Conditions were that he had to loop around the left or right and then head towards us driving any deer our way. We did not make him bark or bay that was all on him.
Pros being slightly smarter than a Bluetick worked in his favor when picking terrain. His opposable thumbs worked in his favor when navigating Obstacles. His height allowed him to see farther.
Cons he cannot hear worth poop and his sense of smell is lacking. He cannot run as fast or as far as a Bluetick either.
Deer are not nice fuzzy tame creatures more proof !!!!
After seeing that video I laughed alot Last Bambi that charged me got 4 357 JHP’s to the brisket. Whoever said quick draw was a dead art. I laugh for the quick draw is an art for those who art not pining to be dead. That happens a lot though. I think Virginia has had 8 deer attacks already this summer. I get pissed when people feed them and raise them not realizing what they are doing.
And Ill explain that now. A deer family is cyclic in all things. The young Bucks become the mature bucks. As the do so they challenge the preceding generation for the rights to the herd. So its fight time. When a person feeds the young deer they insert themselves into the cycle. In fact they insert all humans into the herd cycle. The young buck on maturity will challenge a human for the herd rights. For in its mind you fed it and cared for it so you are part of the herd. The deer is doing what is natural to it. Now when the person who is attacked is a pregnant woman who had nothing to do with your antics you just got a person hurt. When its an 8 year old kid who was attacked because you fed the deer you just got another child hurt. Hence why it is illegal in the state of Virginia to feed a dear. Along with over population and Poaching. If you want to feed something feed the Homeless and the poor contribute to society not to animals who kill motorists on interstates carry tuberculosis, Rabies and Chronic Wasting Disease (CWD).
Each time this feeding crap goes on the job of Stewarding the herd becomes more difficult. And people get hurt or killed in deer Vs. Auto. Enough use your sensibilities. And if your stupid enough to feed bears expect no help when its in your house. When I was a trapper for the city I would get calls on incidents like that. Well people would get mad as hell when I said nope sorry cant help you. My bond doesn’t cover extracting hostile bears out of houses.
Next time that guy might want to read the bottle warning that says caution attracts deer. Its not just a sales gimmick. Its a warning. Same with feeding the deer. The quickest route to a felony in Virginia is to get caught feeding a herd. Each one is a misdemeanor charge. Three misdemeanors on three different days equates to a class 6 felony. this equates to no voting rights. and more.
Three different misdemeanors on one day Might also equate to a felony. Its a nasty fine involved as well.
So behave and stop feeding the animals.
Sorry for the lecture but after seeing at least 6 dead deer on the highway today I had to mention this.
The Hunting Times 